I’ve been bursting with creative energy lately and I’m trying to find more ways to center myself in that. For as long as I’ve known I’ve wanted to entertain people. But it wasn’t until about last year that I realized, “Oh shit this can actually go far.” Of course we are all witnessing a digital renaissance where everyone, their mommas, uncles, aunties and daddies are becoming insta or viral famous. Now this is absolutely no shade to those folks because among them are extremely talented and dedicated people.
Then there are some who simply did a very stupid thing here and there but now somehow they’re famous. With that fame has come sponsorships, deals and ultimately money. Now am I here to say they don’t deserve that? No, I am no hater. However, what I’m here to say is that a lot of us have always dreamed of some of the things these people experiencing. Yet, we are stuck stagnant watching on the sidelines. This can be for a number of reasons, among them being fear. Some of us are also broke (for now), too tired or confused in what direction to go. This whole year each one of these factors have played in a major role in my stagnation. I keep starting and stopping. (I also keep encountering some extreme situations but that’s a whole different story).
Yes, I’ve tried here and there but not nearly as hard as I know I can try. Recently I stumbled across my old childhood journal. So in typical millennial fashion, I posted a few of these old quotes that I had created as a kid on Instagram for fun. The funny part is that a lot of my quotes, poetry, and journal entries still hold a lot of power. I don’t think y’all understand how deeply proud I became of my younger self for that journal.
With that said, I want to share something that I actually wrote in that journal at the very last page. This is super personal and honestly I used to be a more private person. However, if there’s one thing 2017 and especially 2018 taught me, it’s that “Closed mouths don’t get fed.” So I am more open with sharing parts of me I was once afraid of. WARNING: the handwriting is from 11 year old me and some of the things said are a bit silly in a sense but still pretty meaningful.
Now you all might be wondering wtf is she talking about and why is this relevant? Well, hold on, you know I talk in circles sometimes on this blog. Here’s the point, there are certain dreams I’ve had since I was a kid and then there are some I forced myself to dream in order to fit in. I loved my college experience and I seriously believed at one point my life was going to be dedicated to being a psychologist. The truth is, that isn’t the ultimate dream for me and if I’m being fully transparent with myself it never really was.
Granted, I did learn a lot by majoring in Psychology and I will forever be a huge advocate for mental health. However, when I look at the roots of my hobbies and desires while growing up it involved being super creative by writing, acting, creating and it involved me wanting to be very entrepreneurial. I’ll never forget when I first learned the meaning of “Entrepreneur,” I thought to myself, “Whoa, I want to do that.” Hence why it never made sense when teachers asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up. Hell, I wanted and still want to do it all!
Growing up, my parents did what they had to do by working full time with about 2 jobs per parent. I never really saw them doing the type of work I had dreamed of eventually doing. So in a sense, I guess I began to tell myself it wasn’t fully possible. Although I do consider my mom to be a part time entrepreneur and creative with her side hustle cake business that she’s had for about 30 years now. However, she’s always had a full time job while fulfilling her passions on the side through baking, decorating and designing floral arrangements for weddings.
I say all this to say that I am now in a much clearer headspace in terms of my end goals in life. Since graduating from college I’ve had so many different jobs in different industries. Truth be told, not one of them have really given me the fulfillment I desire. Yes, money is needed to keep my afloat but I’ve also walked away from some good paying positions to feel free and more satisfied with life. With that said, for 2019 I have no choice but to take my dreams more serious. There is no one who fully knows all of my goals or the ideas that I have. Only I do and of course I am the only one who can do it the way that it needs to be done.
Whew! That was a mouth full. So for the rest of 2018, I am going into full on planning and prep mode. I will share a few of my end goals because as I said earlier I’m more open now. But, I’ll admit I used to subscribe to the idea that I shouldn’t share my dreams with people because they’ll pray on my downfall. Honestly, people will pray for your downfall regardless of if you’re quiet about your dreams or loud. So why not, say, do and live them out loud?
At the end of the day, what God has for me is for me and therefore no one can come in between what’s already been orchestrated for my life. On the other hand, as the Law Of Attraction says the vibrations you send out are the same ones that will come back to you and manifest. So keep that high vibration regarding your dreams and don’t focus on what others may think, say or do. That has nothing to do with you. Your only concern is moving forward into the life you want to manifest.
Alright so here are a few end goals of mine: 1. Become a full time creative (i.e. writing, acting, and entertaining overall), 2. Master my crafts, and 3. Help retire my parents and invest in whatever dreams they have always wanted to manifest.