Focus Friday: Being OK With Losing CTRL

Most of us are caught up in this mindset that to lose means you have failed. Anytime you don’t find yourself catching that “W”  your mind automatically shifts to this assumption that everything has gone to shit. BUT truth is, it has not. If we could just realize that sometimes when we lose, we are actualling winning in another realm. 

What if every time you lost something your mindset shifted instead to this idea that “Damn, I’m this much closer to winning exactly what I want,” or “I am so glad I lost that because now there is less clutter and I’ve made room for more wins to gravitate my way.” Perhaps most of us are fearful that when we lose one thing or person we’re closer to losing everything. However, the truth is life can’t possibly allow us to store everything we have had or every one person that we have encountered. It would simply be impossible and not to mention it would take up too much space. 

So when we lose we are constantly reminded that we are not in control. No, this does NOT mean we are out of control. I truly believe that’s where the fear creeps in from. This idea that we cannot dictate or direct a situation in our favor. We instantly think “What did I do?” or “What can I do?” While it is amazing to be solution oriented the last question usually is associated with feeling like we’ve got all the power to fix or gain what we’ve lost. 

While you do have power, unfortunately you do not have the power that God or the Universe has. So we must get to a point where we understand that control isn’t in our hands or at least not completely.

So now you may be wondering “Well if I don’t have control or power then what do I have?” I’m glad you asked! The power that you do have is the power to control your mindset. Is it set on negativity ALL the time or are you at least trying to focus that energy somewhere else…like somewhere positive? If not, perhaps it’s time that you try to do so. 

Granted, like I always say some of us are more prone to negative thoughts due to mental illness. With that said, this is sometimes more difficult to process. Trust me, I’m there with you and I truly understand. It’s easy for someone who hasn’t experienced what we have to say “Just get over it,” or “Just don’t think about it.” It is not that easy and probably won’t ever be. 

Nevertheless, whether you’ve experienced mental illness or not it is important for you to find what works for you when focusing your energy. Maybe start a journal, talk to a trusted friend or family member about the ways they cope. Do some research on it or just do nothing. Yes I said do nothing. Take a moment to breathe, and relax then get back on trying to focus your energy and your mindset on positivity. 

Regardless of how it is done (in a constructive way of course), we must understand that we cannot control every part of our life but we can damn sure try to change how we think, how we react and ultimately manage how we feel. Notice I said “manage.” You can manage how you are feeling by accepting what has happened as truth because that’s what has happened in the physical. But, as mentioned earlier what we see in the physical doesn’t mean there isn’t something grater in another realm (spiritual, universal) that is taking place & working for us in our favor.

So yes, we cannot control everything but we can at least try to control how we think about what we cannot control. Losing is inevitable but winning isn’t impossible. It’s possible to win again even after a streak of losing. 
Serenity, Smiles & Positive Vibes,
Ms. Royale 


Author: Sophonie

Sophonie, aka Ms. Royale, is a Creative Writer, the founder and content provider of She Is Splendid Blog, the S'ak Pase With Sophonie Podcast and the CEO of Splendid Writing Services. She obtained a B.A. in Psychology from Montclair State University with a minor in Creative Writing and African-American Studies. Further, she is finding the beauty in everyday life while making mogul moves to become a full-time freelance writer, actress and overall full time creative.

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