You ever wake up in the morning and think to yourself, “Man this bed feels so good. In fact, this is the best bed I’ve ever been in. The sheets so comfortable, so inviting. The pillow comforting and supportive.” By the time you are done obsessing with the beauty that exists within your bed, boom your internal alarm blares, “Get ya behind up! It is time for work.” Or perhaps your actual alarm blares *beep* *beep.* Now you think to yourself, “Ugh,” or you internally scream. I’ve had those moments throughout my entire life and until recently that was still me waking up in the morning.
As a young 20-something year old I am constantly bombarded with these messages through media, social media, peers, and society as a whole that there is a certain image that I must uphold. So with that said, the first that thing I did before I even reached my senior year of college was seek out and find a job.
While my peers were scrambling to find work during the last few months of their 4th year of undergrad, I was literally sipping free drinks at various events through my newfound membership within a particular organization. Through that organization I was able to find work and also travel to a place I had never thought I would before. Eventually that place became my new home. My experience with that new home, while exciting to say the least, was also very troubling.
Throughout the duration of my being there my eyes and heart were opened up to what it is that I was truly destined to be doing. Upon my entry to the organization I was bombarded with several opportunities. While these prospects were and are still in fact a blessing to say the least, I felt that I scarified a lot of myself simply to remain intact while being a member.
With all that said, if every morning one wakes up to their alarm blaring and the first thought that comes to mind is “Oh sh*t, here it goes again,” or “I hate this job.” There comes a moment when that same individual needs to find an outlet of some sort. While I won’t go into too much detail within this post, I want to share one thing in particular. As a member of the organization that I was a part of and in my former position, I went through some of the most difficult moments that I have ever experienced. Throughout the entire time, I reached out for support from friends, family, colleagues and fellow members alike but nothing seemed to work. In fact it came to a point where others would pose the question, “What can I do for you?” My response had become extremely concise, “Nothing,” is what I could be heard saying. At that moment, I needed to full control of the situation which eventually became the need to resign.
During that time my anxiety levels were at an all time high. In fact I experienced several instances of severe stomach pain nearly every single morning before work. In addition, depression and self-doubt had gotten the best of me. On the daily I would attempt to convince myself by repeating what others would say to me, “You got this. Keep pushing.” But just how much can one push when they know in their hearts that they have pushed themselves to the grain? I became a shell of myself, the once bubbly and wide eyed young lady with hope disappeared for quite some time. I exhibited my internal feelings by adopting a bad drinking habit (or at least to me it was bad), spending far too much money on comfort foods, and spending my nights crying myself to sleep. As a result I finally experienced what I am sure was my second panic attack, stomach pain and chest pains took over my shell of body.
Why am I sharing all of this with you all? Well, for one there are many of us who suffer in silence with the fear that no one else will quite understand what we are going through. I am definitely one of those people. I remember when the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why first premiered, there was an uproar about how other people aren’t responsible for your feelings or what you do. While this in some form is true, in another light it is not. Our outside world has a lot to do with how we feel on the inside and unfortunately not everyone handles pain like the next person. I can attest to that for sure. I knew from the minute that I started the program I was once a member of that something wasn’t right.
During my summer training I told myself and some friends that I was going to quit. I didn’t mean “quit,” as in just drop it because I’m lazy. Rather, something inside of me knew it was not compatible with my life’s purpose and mission. However, being the adventurous person that I am, I figured it would be better to try it than to not. Also, I began to feel that if I didn’t continue I would be letting my newfound friends, peers and superiors down. I even considered how it would look to my old friends and family as well. So instead of leaving from the jump, I suffered in silence convincing myself I would make it.
You see there is way more to life than just sitting around waiting for opportunities to come to you or remaining in a situation that doesn’t fit you. While I sought out this opportunity, I had the choice to seek out more but I did not. I blame no one else but me for that decision. However, I am not afraid to say that during my bouts of major anxiety and depression I could not see past my current circumstances at the time. It was literally as if my vision for life was completely clouded.
As humans we focus so much on negativity and that is not entirely our fault as individuals. The way society has programmed us through the media, for example, is a major reason why we react to issues in the way that we do. The news sells negativity and wins every time. Our initial reaction is often the “fight or flight,” alert because innately we want to protect ourselves and also we want to have control over all of our situations. We know we can’t control it but we long to.
If there’s anything I want you all to keep in mind for today, it would be three things:
Allow yourself to experience what life has to offer
It is okay to walk away from something that is painful even if it might cost you
Remember that none of us can actually control every little thing that happens in our lives
We’ve got to be okay with these three factors of life. There is so much more for us out there than we can even imagine. If you are stuck in a situation that is quite literally killing you on the daily, whether it be a job, relationship (familial, platonic or romantic), or even an organization, you are free to leave. The one thing that we have is free will. Regardless of what others may have setup within in the world to block our blessings, at the end of the day everything you do is ultimately up to you. So let’s focus on the things that we can control which honestly is our mindset. Make each day count by going out and doing something that helps impact your life and the lives of others in a beautiful way. Do not remain in places that you have outgrown or were never for you to begin with.
Serenity, Smiles & Positive Vibes,